Friday, January 08, 2016

Not Sure I Belong Here

I'm at a software development conference, and it's a fantastic conference.

But I'm possibly the oldest person here, and I feel very out of place. I'm not sure I belong in this environment any more. I see things so differently -- my experience of over 36 years in this field has me saying "That's a fad" and "Been there, done that" too often to endear me to the energetic young developers who think every framework or new technology is The Answer.

I have two choices:

1. Dial back -- *way* back -- my conference speaking and realize that I'm not nearly as relevant as I once was, or

2. Dial it up, embrace the wisdom of experience, and do more teaching and mentoring and "being a guru".

Decisions, decisions...

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Where's The Renewal?

Typically, January 1 brings a new hope of renewal and growth for the coming year. I don't make resolutions, but I do set goals. Every year, I set lofty goals, believing I'll achieve them and perhaps knowing I won't reach all of them. Still, there's a sense of opportunity and excitement that accompanies the din of midnight, December 31.

This year, however, I feel nothing. I don't feel especially motivated, I don't feel optimistic, I have no aspirations of growth and achievement.

I don't feel depressed or defeated. I just feel ... nothing. A numbness toward the future, as though nothing really matters.

I hate this, and have many reasons why I should be excited. However, none of them are translating into any kind of emotions.

I guess I'll coast along on auto-pilot, doing what I know is right, until some sort of inspiration overcomes me.

So, "Happy New Year" and "Meh".